Undermine someone9/22/2023 It’s far different if a narcissistic parent manipulates to belittle or undermine a child. Parents routinely manipulate with bribery – everything from, “Finish your dinner to get dessert,” to “No video games until your homework is done,” but this isn’t done with aggressive intent, but to encourage children to do the right thing. This approach can be used to break a date, promise, or agreement. Some manipulators deny promises, agreements, or conversations, or start an argument and blame you for something you didn’t do to get sympathy and power. They may compare you negatively to someone else or rally imaginary allies to their cause, saying that, “Everyone ” “Even so and so thinks XYZ” or, “says XYZ about you.” Manipulators often use guilt by saying directly or through implication, “After all I’ve done or you,” or chronically behaving needy and or helpless. Manipulative Tacticsįavorite weapons of manipulators are guilt, complaining, comparing, lying, denying (including excuses and rationalizations), feigning ignorance, or innocence (the “Who me!?” defense), blame, bribery, undermining, mind games, assumptions, “foot-in-the-door,” reversals, emotional blackmail, evasiveness, forgetting, fake concern, sympathy, apologies, flattery, and gifts and favors. You might have a gut feeling of discomfort or anger, but on the surface, the manipulator may use words that are pleasant, ingratiating, reasonable, or that play on your guilt or sympathy, so you override your instincts and don’t know what to say. If you grew up being manipulated, it’s harder to discern what’s going on, because it feels familiar. You may not realize that you’re being intimidated. It can be abusive and the objective may purely be power. In reality, it’s to achieve an ulterior motive. Manipulation may seem benign or even friendly or flattering as if the person has your highest concern in mind. Manipulation is a way to covertly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics. We all want to get our needs met, but manipulators use underhanded methods.
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